内外不一

大多数人对我的印象都是

“坚强”

事实是这样吗？

其实，

那也只是外表而已。。。

其实，

我是温室里的野草。。。

其实，

我内心并没有动漫里主角们的内心强大。。。

若是遇到一些微不足道或我曾预想过的事情，

能混过去的，

会把握一些，舍弃一些混过去；

不能混过去的，

也不把它当回事，

不把它放在心里或脑海里，

置身事外地混过去。。。

但。。。

一旦发生一些出乎意料之外的大事，

内心会随着时间慢慢崩溃。。。

焦虑也会一直持续到问题解决为止。。。

负面情绪围绕着整个身心。。。

其实，

很是喘不过气来。。。

有够累的。。。

追债

每每我发生意想不到的事情或中蚊症住院，
家人往往都会全员出动。

年迈的父母和远在他乡的老哥，
为了我到处奔波。。。

我很内疚和惭愧。。。
感觉自己是来追债的。。。

Reason for Kindness

As a breeze blew into the room from the monotonous window,
I put a frown on my face to try to hide my awkward shyness.

Nodding ambivalently, I seem to be trying too hard today
as I decide how to shape the "today" I'm holding in my palm.
I have a feeling that something is about to change,
and I blame you since you're the one calling out to my heart.

A peek at the cloudy sky tells me what's to come.
Let's stretch out our hands with courage more powerful than ever.

Although both light and shadow are still far in the distance,
we still wish to know the reason for this kindness.
Towards a far and radiant place no one has been able to reach yet,
let's go find it before everything becomes history.

As I let out a loud sigh at the unreliable world,
you, as though making fun of my limited vision,
gaze up at the sky. What color is the sky you see?
It must be blue, high, and clear.

We keep missing each other while trying to get closer.
I hope one day we'd be able realize that we were indeed lost.

Completely dissatisfied with my own words, again and again,
I end up trying to embellish my lines awkwardly.
The two of us have begun to notice the emerging meaning
of both joy and misery as well as the reason behind them.

Completely dissatisfied with my own words,
again and again, I end up trying to embellish my lines awkwardly.
I will send my thoughts your away together with
this pain which I'm unable to express in words.

Although both light and shadow are still far in the distance,
we still wish to know the reason for this kindness.
Towards a far and radiant place no one has been able to reach yet,
let's go find it before everything becomes history.

if we shine

The rainbow after the rain and the flower that bloomed in the cold are changing colours and overflowing
As you looked up at the red sky, on that day, I fell in love with you
Even a single frame of this film full of dramatic instants will not disappear
Because I will engrave it all in my heart

You, it is you, you were the one who taught me
Taught me that even the darkness will shine when it becomes a starry sky
Don’t hide your sadness behind smiles anymore
No matter which shining star it is, it will illuminate you

The morning sun that I was waiting for forgetting even about sleep, in randomly piercing through
Even the headache that the depression brings will be forgotten, if I meet you
The romantic silence
Like the sugar that has been mixed in the tea, your voice circulates all through my body

You, it is you, you were the one who made me smile
Even tears will shine and will become a meteor
Don’t let go this hand that has been hurt anymore
In this sky where all our wishes have been gathered, tomorrow will surely come

The light that guided me was you
Caught up in it, I too started to run
Before I knew it, we were starting to cross paths
Look, right now and right here, it is shining

You, it is you, you were the one who taught me that darkness too will end
Taught me that even the darkness will shine when it becomes a starry sky
Don’t hide your sadness behind smiles anymore
No matter which shining star it is, it will illuminate you

Is the answer always is coincidence? or is it the inevitable?
Someday, the very path that we have chosen will become our fate
The hope and the uncertainty that we have grasped
Will surely become the light that makes us move forward

night...sky

when i was a kid,

i had wished to explore the universe,

and fascinated so much on planets, stars, galaxies and black holes of course...

but as i grew up,

i felt melancholy whenever i looked up to the sky or imagined the universe...

how tiny are humans compared to universe...
where humans will go after death...

felt so alone and lonely...

totally cant pull myself out from this gloomy mud...

in the end,me myself fell into deeply to self-made black hole...

however,

the affection to the sky never fade away...

the sky without any pollution...

and particularly, the night sky...

i love the night sky with stars...

i love the night sky with aurora...

it is too beautiful...

even the camera might fail its duty...

only eyes can perfectly capture it and store it into memories...

Do You Ever Shine?

Do You Ever Shine?
Do You Ever Try?
to live, or die

If you run away from the friction,
you'll still be trapped in the cage

Do You Ever Shine? 

Do You Ever Try?
to live, or die

until you get lost in the trouble, you won't see the brightest light
Do You Ever Shine?

Go towards the direction of the sounds when you're lost

Please let our voices reach, even when we're separated in faraway places 

Go towards the direction of the sounds when you're lost

Good fortune will definitely come to the homes of those who laugh 

Look, even those eyes swollen from crying suit a smiling face better

We were able to meet in this stifling world 

Let's go and see this colourful world  together

For someone like you who works hard, there'll definitely be times where you hit a wall 

But it's okay, you don't have to shoulder it all alone

If you'll laugh, I'll laugh as well 

Round and round, it'll reach someone else again 

Please let our voices reach, even when we're separated in faraway places 

Go towards the direction of the sounds when you're lost

On those new days, where the seasons change, I stand alone on the busy train platform 

Going up and down 

My heart's bewildered by the new environment that I can't get used to

I can't walk well along the bustling streets 

But through the gaps between the buildings, 

look, the sky's so wide today too

I wipe those tears that I can't show to anyone and continue walking 

The wind starts blowing, and my hair sways along. 

The future is just starting

If you'll sing, I'll sing as well 

It's okay even if you aren't good at it. 

Let me listen to your voice 

Each and every sound is different 

I'll find you even in places where the light can't reach

If you'll laugh, I'll laugh as well 

Round and round, it'll reach someone else again 

Please let our voices reach, even when we're separated in faraway places 

Go towards the direction of the sounds when you're lost

the 20 facts about me

1. Single but still waiting for the right one.

2. In her 20’s and hope to travel to almost every Asian country in her golden 20’s.

3. Lost her appetite with the fast food.

4. Currently lack of money.

5. Try to be a better person.

6. Start to regret for the chances and opportunities that had missed during school days.

7. Fond with almost all dessert.

8. Start to realize dad, mom and bro are getting old. *So, do I…*

9. Have a car for work, but work to pay the car loan…

10. Next target is to buy a house, just wait if she can get the jackpot of the lottery.

11. Scare the pant off when deal with snake.

12. A big fail in swimming due to the fearful to water.

13. Interested in biology but end up with physics.

14. Have a job that not related to physics.

15. Had lost her own room since uni days due to water pipe leaked.

16. Try to have a long straight hair to cover her tomboy-ness.

17. Just know how to wear it out cool instead of sexy.

18. An otaku.

19. Adapt to be alone but feel lonely.

20. Interested more in electronic devices than clothes.

回家路

心累了，
但，
回家的路途遥远。。。

塞车的10大主因

1. 交通事故
2. 车主们太过鸡婆，好奇心太强了
3. 某车抛锚了
4. 交通灯发生故障
5. 龟速的汽车和车主在母鸡带小鸡，有时候还驾在2条lane的中间
6. 从多条lane突然间缩到只有1,2条lane
7. 交通警察叔叔指挥交通,设路障
8. 纯粹多车
9. 上山路段
10. 完全没任何理由的纯塞车

count on me

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see,
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh
yeah Yeah

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song
beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will
remind you

Ohh
Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
You'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh
Yeah Yeah

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go
Never say goodbye

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
You'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh
you can count on me cos' I can count on you

secret base ~What You Gave Me~

You and the end of summer and the dreams of the future
And our big hope, I won't forget them.
I believe that we will meet
In August 10 years later.
The best memories...

Our meeting was made in a moment at the intersection walking home.
You called out to me, didn't you? "Let's go home together."
While I embarrassedly hid my face with my bag,
In truth, I was very, very happy.

Ah, the way the fireworks beautifully bloom in the sky is a bit lonely.
Ah, the wind flows along with time.

So happy, having so much fun, we had so many adventures
Inside the secret base that belonged to the two of us.

You and the end of summer and the dreams of the future
And our big hope, I won't forget them.
I believe that we will meet in August 10 years later.
I knew that you screamed "Thank You" from the bottom of your heart till the very end.
A goodbye when you hold back your tears and smile is lonely, isn't it.
The best memories...

Ah, summer break will be over in a little longer too, so
Ah, the sun and moon get along.

So sad, so lonely, we had so many fights
Inside the secret base that belonged to the two of us.

I knew that you screamed "Thank You"
From the bottom of your heart till the very end.
A goodbye when you hold back your tears and smile is lonely, isn't it.
The best memories...

There's nothing I can do about the sudden change of schools,
So I'll write letters, I'll call you, so please don't forget about me
Forever, inside the secret base that belonged to the two of us.

I was talking to you for so long at the end of summer
After we watched the sunset, we gaze at the stars.
I will never forget the teardrops that flowed down your cheeks.
I'm sure I will never forget
That you waved your hand with all your strength to the end.
So let me be inside this dream like this for eternity...

You and the end of summer and the dreams of the future
And our big hope, I won't forget them.
I believe that we will meet in August 10 years later.
I knew that you screamed "Thank You" from the bottom of your heart till the very end.
A goodbye when you hold back your tears and smile is lonely, isn't it.
The best memories...

The best memories...

Blue Bookmark

Our feelings have been written down over countless pages,
But for some reason, I just can't fill in this one line of blank space.

I put in a pressed flower as a bookmark and roll along with you on the bike we found thrown away.
We piled up the bricks we've forgotten and then tore them back down.

We're being pulled to the same level, to be equals. All tired out from having fun
I'm sure that we won't remember the frighteningly blue sky.

In that way, a bundle of sunlight now pushes in my direction.
The two of you are still right there, but I find myself praying that we can meet again.
There must be something wrong with me.

My hand that turns to the next page, and the misanga I fastened with my lips...
Hey, today is today, and that won't change; if it rains, we can still talk on the phone.
In that way, I now push (Before I knew it, the misanga came off,)
My kindness in your direction. (But for some reason, I can't say it.)
There really must be something wrong with me.

If you choose any one, it will break with a sound -
That is what love is, I joked, and you laughed.

Good thing, I made it on time. Deciding to pretend not to know, the city went to sleep.
Let's go to the place where we piled the bricks we've forgotten.

Running up the hill that looks out over the sea, under the frighteningly blue sky,
My right hand holds a soda, and my left hand is always searching for you.

In that way, with my two occupied arms, I embrace the spring wind.
Time is still ours to spend, so I'd love it if you wouldn't say
That we'll forget this day someday.

In that way, the present comes toward me without asking me any questions.
I suppose the two of you are still right there. "Oh, right, the words to fill in the blank are-"
No, I won't say it just yet.

My hand that turns to the next page, and the misanga I untied with my lips...
The first train of the day, and a sparse bit of happiness... Hey, today is today, and that won't change.

There really must be something wrong with me.

live life

everyone no matter who have only one life...
live it...
and enjoy to the max!

run away

feel wanna take my luggage together with me...
run away from the place i used to be...
run away from all the people i know...
run away from everything i already have...
and without any reasons else...
step in the traveling path...
travel around the world...
wish not to come back...
in mind...
physically...
mentally...

stop and stare

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Imma run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...

prometheus

过了那么多个月，才能摆脱片中那些恶心的生物。。。

话说，
那时和朋友到戏院看了这部戏。。。
刚开始还没觉得什么。。。
到了中间部分，
恶心的东东接二连三地出现。。。
全身上下的毛孔打开。。。
鸡皮疙瘩。。。

正当我和朋友在恶心到不行时，
我不禁看看前座、
又看看后座。。。(不是为了看四周的人有没有变怪物啦~ =.= )
发现到他们都是poker face 。。。
脸部没什么表情。。。
是我们几个小瓜们看不惯这些丁点恶心的画面？
还是他们见惯这些大场面了？

后来，
上 facebook，
只要看到有关这部戏的post，
都会让我回想这部戏里的恶心怪物。。。
几怕晚上会做噩梦。。。
梦到它们缠着我，
把我咽了。。。（还好恶心累过头，进入deep sleep）

我和另一个朋友都认为它会有续集。。。（虽然我本身不希望有）
我不想再追看下去了。。。
毛孔控制不了。。。
给我免费戏票都不要！！！ >.<

i want to go home

I wanted to fill the hole in my heart
So I smiled and pretended to be kind
The hellos and goodbyes
Race busily past me

It sucks but I know
Just how useless I am
I couldn't be strong enough
So I just closed my eyes and bore it

Look, I can see it now

I want to go home
To the town where you wait
You waved goodbye
So I keep looking back
I want to go home
To the house where you wait
There's something I want to tell you
I hope you'll laugh

I don't think the important things
Can ever be counted
There are days I feel down
But I don't cry anymore

Look, I can see it now

I want to tell you
About the future I see
You say it's okay
So I keep repeating it again and again
I want to tell you
About my unchanging dreams
There's something I want to tell you
I hope you'll understand

I want to go home
To the town where you wait
Your hand is so precious to me
So I want to tell you now one more time
I want to go home
To the house where you wait
There's something I want to tell you
I hope you'll laugh

i will walk

I’ll walk, I’ll walk
I’ll live in the present
I have the words you gave me
Yes, I’ll walk


Beyond the pedestrian bridge, I see the winter city
I’m crossing to tomorrow with a piece of loneliness in my hand
“Can you smile in your heart?” I hear a voice from one day
My white breath disappears into the sky
I’m not alone; I hurry to the station


“I’ve decided I won’t go home”
Like the sign of a new beginning, the snow has begun to fall


I’ll walk, I’ll walk
I’ll live in the present
Even if I get hurt, I want to believe again and again
In this hand, in these days
Crying with you, laughing with you
Has made me stronger
I have the words you gave me
Yes, I’ll walk


The hope I pulled close is giving me warmth
You gave me the strength to open myself to love


“Even if I can’t see you, I’ll know”Can I look back to you on that day and be proud?


The happy things, the sad things
I won’t forget any of them
Each and every one is lighting up my heartYes, I’m not “alone”


I can’t even say goodbye or thank you
To you now
But the season is definitely changing now
Yes, I’ll start now


I’ll walk, I’ll walk
I’ll live in the present
I have the words you gave me
Yes, I’ll walk

10. Supercell - Utakata Hanabi